sUfFoCaTiNg UnDeR wOrDs Of SoRrOw

2007-09-05T14:18:00.000+08:00

Easy for a good girl to go bad
And once we gone (gone)
Best believe we've gone forever
Don't be the reason
Don't be the reason
You better learn how to treat us right
Cause onces a good girl goes bad
We die forever

2007-07-31T21:23:00.000+08:00

Sebelum bertemu denganmu hidupku bahagia
Semenjak bertemu denganmu ku makin bahagia
Semakin lama aku smakin tau tentang engkau
Sedikit kecewa ternyata engkau tak baik

Pertama-tama semua manis yang kau berikan
Membuat aku merasakan cinta sebenarnya
Semakin hari semakin terungkap sesungguhnya
Ku makin kecewa ternyata kau penuh dusta

Maafkan ku harus pergi
Ku tak suka dengan ini
Aku tak bodoh seperti kekasihmu yang lain
Terimakasih oh Tuhan
Kau tunjukkan siapa dia
Maaf kita putus, so thank you so much
I'm sorry good bye

Seribu cara kau membuai ku dengan puitis
Maybe kau lupa bahwa aku juga manusia
Yang punya mata telinga hati dan perasaan
Maaf aku pergi dan tak kan untukmu lagi

2007-06-10T21:37:00.000+08:00

Paralysed Under Emotions

Undefined feelings felt
Bleeding through, crying all alone
Me, myself and i, no one esle
Days after days passed
Experiencing the world of my own
Where no one can understand
Full of ups and downs, without pride anymore

[Chorus]
Freezing till paralysed
Numb not able to do anything
Drowning with emotions
Breadthlessly suffocated
Hoping to break through this deception
Going through this ordeal alone
If only i can make myself me again
Paralysed under emotions

Fucking journey of life
Like a road full of thorns, like an empty word
Without meaning on its own
The full stop is the road which have no ending
Deceived by mystifying road
A junction that was created

[Chorus]

Unknowingly
Fated with rolling mistakes, unaffordable mistakes
Confession which hurt my instinct delibrate
Neither endure nor enjoy
Forgiveness is what i hoped
With composed faults
Dejected and fucking despise with myself

[Chorus]

2007-06-10T21:12:00.000+08:00

Deception

Hurting people is your game
I've fallen into your trap
trap with all your lies
Intrigue the talents in you
That have been inside you
All along

Conciousness never apply
Guilt is not part of you
Poison intoxicating mind is your game
Lying with your life
Lies that is so misleading
All that was never true

[Chorus]
Deceiveness in vain
It gives only pain
I'm bleeding through
Permanent scars
Sorrows that sink deep down in me
Took all my strength to hung up my tears
I've made a change
I won't cry again for you
I won't fucking care about you anymore

You ask for my heart
I gave it to you
I'll wait forever for you
Craving for love that was forever true
Thought that you would be the one

Im holding on to your lies that was never true,
Drinking the poison
Time will only tell how much longer
I can wait
With all the lies that covers all over me
You tear it all apart
Suffocating me under your lies

[Chorus]

Aren't you feeling tired?
Tired of living
Doesn't it reached your mind
Haven't you lie enough?
What does it mean to you
Everything was just a game in the first place

Don't wanna think about it
Just so confuse about it
My heart its breaking to watch you turn around
Can't believe its ending this way
I'm cutting through all of this

[Chorus]

2007-05-21T18:03:00.001+08:00

This pain, this hurt
locked away in my head,
Nobody knows
How inside I am dead.
Blood on my wrist,
There is glass in my hand.
Nobody knows,
They cannot understand.
They don't listen,
So, they can't hear me cry.
Nobody knows,
I just wish I could die.
Shaking fingers,
Grasp this plea for release
Nobody knows
How the pain will not cease.
Sadness bleeding,
Emptying to the floor,
Nobody knows
I always craved for more,
Bleeding slowly
Until my wound will close,
Dying slowly,
Nobody knows...

2007-05-21T18:01:00.001+08:00

The door in front of me opens, once, again, I must enter.
The walls around me crumble, once, again, I must fall.
The voice behind me tempts and tortures,
What could have been?
What might have been?
The blood within me surges, once, again, I must drain.
The hope inside me surrenders, once, again, I must pray.
The breathe upon me tempts and tortures,
What could have been?
What might have been?
Day after day, I slip further away.
Night after night, I slowly go insane.
Longing to turn loneliness to treasure.
Longing to turn his pleasure to pain.
Something has to give...
something has to change...
I can't go on like this, anymore,
I'm forced to close the door.

2007-05-21T17:53:00.000+08:00

I'm swimming all alone in a pool of darkness and I feel like darkness is slowly pulling me under I yell for help but no one is there to hear itI begin to see the water at eye leveland I kick and flail, fighting to stay above the darkness But the darkness won't let go of its hold on me and I slowly begin to give into the feeling that lies below the water line the waters starts to fill my lungs the lungs that once held so much life yet now they allow the murky water to replace that I know that this path doesn't lead to happiness. But why doesn't someone grab my hand pull me from darkness's grasp?because no one knows I stand at the boundary the boundary between light and darkso I give in to the thing that holds meAll of the strength and all of the courage that I once held in my heart can't save me from the water So I slowly slip below the world of conscientiousness undetected by the occupants of that world I don't want to fight anymore I've given into darkness

2007-05-21T17:50:00.000+08:00

Why am I afraid?
Does anyone know the way I feel?
Or are they all acting?
Does anyone know the pain I feel?
Or do they believe they do?
Are you the one that blames me?
Can you ever understand what I fear?

2007-05-21T17:26:00.000+08:00

Just have no fucking mood today... im rather unwell n im just frustated.. yesterday n today.. wtf!! damn stress at home n at skul.. fuck! Gurls owaes have no freedom of wat to do.. we owaes need to listen to others be good to them n wat we get?? we get a fucking bad treatment.. whu do u guys think we r?? ur slave?? we gurls oso do have our own feelings.. cnnt do this cnnt do that!! stop all this nonscense u guys!!! i have nvr ever stop anione frm doing anithing.. whu the hell cares.?? all of u guys are grown ups! u knw wats right n wrong fer u.. so wat if im destroying myself..?? do u knw hw i feel?? absolutely not!!! im so tortured.. im like a prisoner in the clutches of guys!! damn it!! how i wish there is no law n i could kill the ppl i hate?? u knw the smiles that i have put on so far?? its all fake!! there is a meaning behind evry smile.. this life is really full of dramas.. dramas u just have to play along as if nthg has happened.. putting other ppls happiness instead of mine.. im tired.. how i wish i could sleep foreva n not to wake up..

2007-05-20T16:10:00.001+08:00

I want you to know the truth
Everything I'm hiding away
Only what I want you to hear
I can't seem to say
Maybe you're not listening
Or maybe you are scared
Or could it simply be
My heart is unprepared?
So listen carefully
To what I have to say
Please don't brush it off
Then turn and walk away
Because what I am offering you
Is worth more than any precious stone
It's assurance for the rest of your life
That you will never be alone
When you need someone to talk to
Or just someone to care
You can always count on me
Because I promise I'll be there

2007-05-20T16:06:00.001+08:00

I know I did some wrong things,
But, Baby, you know that can change.
It hurts so bad,
And it makes me feel really sad.
I miss you so much,
And wish our lips could touch.
Bobby, I just need you by my side,
So I can say, "I Love You," just one more time.
I will never love another,
Cause there is no other.
If you only give me one more chance,
I would love to share one more dance,
As tears fill my eye,
When I think of you and look up at the sky.
Just wishing you were here,
So you can wipe my lonely tear.
I don't want to say good-bye,
But every night I always cry.
I can't believe you would do this,
After that night we kissed.
I just want you to know that I love you,
And my days without you will be blue.
All I wanted was just another try,
And you wanted me to meet another guy.
I miss you a lot, Baby,
And one day you will miss me, maybe.
I love you and I miss you,
And I know you will miss me, too!

2007-05-20T16:01:00.000+08:00

Total Confusion and Emotional Breakdown,
Where do I go next?
New Beginnings or Unfinished Endings,
All my feelings are mixed.
As I came across the path of love,
I saw two doors and only one key.
I want to make sure I pick the right one,
The one that leads to eternity.
How do I choose which way to go?
Which one to leave behind?
The one that makes everything so right,
Or the one that I know is mine?
Through one is trust and misunderstandings,
In which I've learned to need.
The other has happiness and remembered emotions
That make my heart begin to bleed.
As I try to follow all the right feelings,
It's almost like double vision.
I see too many roads and too many signs,
It's so hard to make my decision.
One door is tall and freshly painted,
It's the one everyone else would choose.
The other is old, scratched and tattered,
But it's the one I would hate to lose.
What if I choose the wrong way to go,
And leave the wrong one behind?
I will have to live a life of unhappy feelings,
And never understand what's really mine.
Total Confusion and Emotional Breakdown,
Where do I go next?
New Beginnings or Unfinished Endings,
All my feelings are mixed.

2007-05-20T15:56:00.000+08:00

Why do you love me;

What have I ever done?

What have I ever said to you

That told you I was the one?

What is it about me

That makes you want me so much?

Is it the words I speak,

Or is it in my touch?

Why do you love me

When I act the way I do?

Why would you wanna stick around...

Is it because I love you too?

2007-05-12T15:32:00.000+08:00

~ My Heart Is Yours, My Sweet Lover ~ To Love And To Keep,~ With You Always Through The Day ~ And In Dreams, As You Sleep.~ So Treat It Gently, With All Your Love ~ And Never Let It Go,~ It's Yours Forever, And Thereafter ~ Just To Let You Know.~ It's Full Of Love For You ~ And Never Will It End,~ My Heart Is Yours, So Be Assured ~ On This You Can Depend.

2007-05-12T15:24:00.001+08:00

I had a relationship with a first love the past year,And another one had not yet come near,But then you came along,And made me feel like I belonged.You made me feel like I belonged in your arms,Where I would not feel any harm,But I'm afraid of getting hurt again,So I'm going to need more time to heal Before another relationship begans.And, now that I'm finally ready,You have opened my heart for me.You made me realize and see that there are better guys out there who would treat me well,Instead of putting me through the pain of Hell.For the longest time you have waited for me,Till the day I was ready and free,Free from all the past heartache and pain.I'm just so happy you came along, I can't explain.You make me feel good about myself and that I could love again.You make me feel that a new journey is just waiting to begin.But, I must ask you for one thing before our relationship starts,Please treat me well and don't break my heart,'Cause I want to be in a relationship with no lies and no games,And I promise to you I'll do the same.So, if these things I ask you, you think you can not do,Then I don't think I should be with you,But I want you to know you're beginning to have my trust,And to tell you the truth, I think there might be an US.

2007-05-12T15:02:00.000+08:00

Three simple words,
So easy to say.
Why do I hide,
When you give them away?
I guess it's hard
For me to admit,
Those three simple words
Seem so opposite.
Why I say this,
I don't really know,
Maybe one kiss,
Will help me go.
If I gave you
The key to my heart,
Will you love me,
And fill up that empty part?
I want to love you,
But I don't know how,
If you really love me,
I'll say it now.

2007-05-12T14:44:00.001+08:00

Holding me all night long,
Cuddling tight, to our song.
You look at me with such desire,
Your passion burns hot as fire.
Been hurt before, I try to feel
That this is different, this is real.
Different emotions swim in my heart,
So much trust just torn apart.
I want to see, I want to believe,
I want to ignore thoughts that deceive.
When you hold me tight and I get lost in a kiss...
I know I can love you... much better than this.
You’re getting half, but deserve my all,
But I can't let go, afraid to fall.
I tell myself, "It's better this way,"
My heart, protected, no pain to pay.
I would be the one to fall
If I let go, and broke the wall.
Your face so sweet and so sincere,
My heart craves to hold you near.
But past mistakes haunt each day,
I tell myself, "It's better this way."
An open heart I lack and miss,
'Cuz I know I can love you much better than this.
When you feel the pain and start to cry,
I sit alone and wonder, "Why?"
Why the tears, can’t you see?
I’m not crying, nope, not me.
Don't be so emotional, it opens doors,
It causes battles, emotional wars.
Sometimes I feel it, when unaware,
Strong sensations, to really care.
When you drop to your knees from misery’s bliss,
I know I can love you... much better than this...
But I tell myself... "It's better this way."

2007-05-04T22:34:00.000+08:00

im sowie if i cnt say those things to u.. i mean im not the sort of person that can say those 4 letter word to u easily.. im sowie if im mean to u or tok to u in a harsh manner its just that.. i dunno hw to xplain it.. its nt that i dunn wanna mit u.. i nid time.. i wanna be crazy over u.. i wana be so in love wit u.. but sometimes i find it hard.. im just scared.. im scared that wen i love the person, the person will leave me.. i just dun wanna get hurt again.. i really hope that u mean wat u say.. some more im stress wit my studies too.. wen i heard the married couples tok on the radio about their marriage life, at first it was sweet then no communication at all.. im just scared that it would happen.. n they make up on air.. so swit.. i was almost in tears u knw.. thinking of wat happened.. i really could imagine as that has happened to me b4.. im sowie.. i sumtimes cnnt cntrl my temper.. hope u understand.. =)

2007-05-02T14:23:00.000+08:00

Pouring my heart to you.
The heart I’ve locked up for so long.
I finally found someone I could talk to.
Someone I didn’t have to say a word to.
They would understand.
Even if they don’t know the half of it.
I tried.
For you.
Why don’t you talk to me anymore?
Why don’t you want to see me again?
Why did you lie?
Why are you doing this to yourself?
Why am I doing this to myself?
Why do I find myself screaming?
I scream my lungs out to you, At you, But only when you’re not there.
And when I can see you,I might as well be one the edge of the universe.
Looking down.
Ready to jump.
Whenever you come to mind…
I cry another tear.
I destroy another thousand brain cells.
From holding my breath.
Though no matter how hard I tryI can’t push you out of my mind.
I smashed another glass today.
Just to try to picture what is going on.
Inside my head.
Inside me heart.
Why does it hurt so much…
when you were never mine?
It finished.
Before it began.

2007-05-02T14:16:00.000+08:00

tdy mt paper so difficult!! ape da cikgu aini.. kate je sng.. tak leh caye langsung.. hmm..

2007-04-28T20:56:00.000+08:00

embun di pagi buta
menebarkan bau basah
detik demi detik ku hitung
inikah saat ku pergi

oh Tuhan ku cinta dia
berikanlah aku hidup
takkan ku sakiti dia
hukum aku bila terjadi

aku tak mudah untuk mencintai
aku tak mudah mengaku ku cinta
aku tak mudah mengatakan
aku jatuh cinta

senandungku hanya untuk cinta
tirakatku hanya untuk engkau
tiada dusta sumpah ku cinta
sampai ku menutup mata
cintaku sampai ku menutup mata

2007-04-18T20:34:00.000+08:00

~wee.. tdy, my darling Luke take me frm skul again.. then i go hazelina's house to gif her hmwk.. then tok wit her 4 a while.. poor luke haf to wait downstairs.. then after dat, go slacking under void deck.. doing stupid stuff like taking photos of stupid faces.. so chaotic.. aiyoh.. hmm.. just hope that i love Luke fully.. he is a really2 nice guy.. just dun wanna lose hym.. gosh! hope me n hym will last 4 eva.. yeah! =)

2007-04-13T21:23:00.000+08:00

i want to have a clear mind.. i've been rather stressed out lately.. thinking of alot of stuff.. cant i have a clear mind.. omg! just wanna have peace in my mind.. ziela n luke, thankz fer going out wit me tdy.. thank u fer making my day.. Luke, u just made my day.. even though u keep bullying me and so on.. but at least i can be happy for a moment.. i mean i cn ferget all my problems fer the mean time.. yeah had fun eating KFC.. wit that meltz meal.. damn it.. cnt finish it.. had stomachache again.. forget to bring my medicine.. till wen i wanna get better.. i have to save up my medicine coz i no money to go doctor.. gosh! hey luke thankz fer offering to go to the doctor, but u nid the money fer ur expenses like u sae u wanna go watch that performances.. i really apreciate ur offer.. yeah! n im meeting Luke again tmrw after visiting hazelina at home who is down wit chicken pox. poor her.. hope she is alrite.. yeah.. my religious exam is coming n so is mid year exams.. gosh... so many exams n tests taking place.. damn tiring.. yeah.. i cnt be so active coz the doctor says its will affect my health.. its nt that im a fragile gurl or wat.. i used to be active.. owaes engaging in activities jumping here n there n nt getting enuf rest.. it really affect my health after going to the doctor.. i oso seek a specialist.. he oso say the same thing.. he say wat im doing rite nw i mean my lifestyle is really affecting me n its is really dangerous.. n my gastric is bcoming frm bad to worse.. hmm.. just hope that i will be active again.. enjoying myself like i used to..

2007-03-25T21:11:00.000+08:00

The love which comes to me is always pure to the one i wish to be with.

But why that having to love someone whom i want to treasure.

I have a feeling that i am just being used to cover their broken heart and once it heals i will be put aside.

I too wish to be loved by someone & to be cared by people & not be a bandage that be thrown away when i no longer needed.

I want to be yours & I want you to be mine.

All i want is you and no one else.

If euu would accept me 4 who i am, you would be the only one perfect fer me.

2007-03-20T19:15:00.000+08:00

I have not been myself fer the past few daes... i owaes dream in class.. Rina was like are u ok?? wat's past is past.. life have to move on.. yeah, i knw that.. im trying hard.. Rina kept motivating me to study wit her silly jokes... haha.. she motivate me during the last two period then my brain started to work n im fresh! i cn do math very fast... wow.. finally.. i dun nid guys to make me happy.. love those fwens who were dere fer me thru thick n thin.. u r guys are my motivator.. thankz alot! mas, thankz to u too.. with ur livelyness n nvr fail to cheer me up..

2007-03-14T22:17:00.000+08:00

My life have been rather messy without Hannan wit me.. i have nt been myself.. i really miss hym.. i've been shutting myself up.. ppl keep asking me to move on as breaking up fer me left no impact on my life.. but breaking up wit Hannan was a tough one.. i've nvr eva love someone so much even though i have alot of ex's. He really made me completely in love wit hym.. my fwens kept asking me either to patch up wit my ex, faiz or gif other ppl a chance.. i knw that Fatanah n Fadli ask me to be their gurl quite a few times even when i was wit Hannan.. but i onli treat them as my cloze fwens.. All i want is to be back wit Hannan.. i've been rather quiet these few daes.. i cnt stop thinking about Hannan.. i cant help it.. oh god (AllAH), plz help me be strong n guide me to the correct path.. plz help me in finding my happiness back.. im so helpless.. plz.. Amin...

2007-03-13T10:37:00.000+08:00

tdy is my saddest day i eva! Hannan just broke off wit me.. he is so precious to me.. but i respect his decision.. he broke of wit me bcoz of his mum.. his mum dont like me.. i dunno wat the reason is.. hmm.. but i will try my best to win his mother's heart again even though he is not my guy animore.. both of us still love each other.. but.. haiz.. he tried his best to console his mum abt me, but he failed.. but its ok.. i dun blame anione.. maybe im wrong.. y cnt his mum accept me?? it really break my heart.. parting wit the one i love is nt easy... i cnt even meet hym even fer the last time.. his mum dun let hym meet me.. wat wrong have i done 2 deserve this?? i nvr even meet his mum b4... y does she hate me?? y must she part hym from me? i nvr even ill-treat her son... i love her son wit all my heart... i accept hym fer whu he is... my eyes are abit swallen nw.. i havent even slept n i cried all night... both us shared beautiful memories.. i cnt ferget that.. right nw we r fwens.. he is still contacting me.. but things are so different nw.. i feel so weird.. i just hope that his mum will accept me fer whu i am.. n i oso hope that we will be together again... Hannan i love u very much!

2007-03-04T16:37:00.000+08:00

long time nvr post... coz im sick!! boohuhhu.. bz these few days settling my own probs.. had some so called argument wit hannan as he has changed alot,.. made me cry terribly.. all these crying have to stop.. i gather up my spirit n be a strong gal.. its so diff.. but anyway.. i managed to.. thankz fer making me cry hannan.. n i have bcome a much more stronger than b4.. i still love u no matter wat happens.. =)

2007-02-22T19:59:00.000+08:00

long time nvr blog.. been pretty bz these few days.. i cnt really say much abt today as it had been a really bad day fer me.. i just wanna say sorry to my dear Hannan.. i did not mean to ferget abt u just nw.. i was really bz.. i did not have time to msg euu.. my mind was in a mess thinking abt alot of stuff.. hmwk kept piling up, then gt this last minute fund raising fer the school.. giving all the ideas i could.. after school rushed to compass point buying stuff.. my mind was thinking of how to organise doing these stuff, doing my handcraft to sell.. just nid time.. but we really have short of time which is just a few days.. argh!!! Hannan, im really2 sowie.. i really did not mean to ferget u.. plz forgive me! =(

tired day..

2007-02-16T20:37:00.000+08:00

hey dere.. im back wit the posting stuff! hehe.. finish common test wat.. haha..early in the morning, my mood is spoiled bcoz of that bitch! AISYAH frm sec 3.. Rina was like y r u staring at us? yesterday oso stare.. i just keep quiet coz if i scared that i would create trouble as i have created enough trouble outside school.. i just feel like punching her face coz she act like she is the big fuck at school. she say that she nvr stare at us unless we stare at her.. halo AISYAH!! WE HAVE NO FUCKING TIME TO STARE AT YA BITCH!! as if u r damn pretty or something.. so wat if u come frm the gurls home.. hey cmmon la dun bring that fucking attitude into the school... yesterday, we laugh at our group n PUH LEASE AISYAH WE R NOT TALKING ABOUT U BITCH! WE HAVE NO FUCKING TIME TO TALK ABOUT U! then she say to us that we have no way to settle it.. look whose talking! if we have no way to settle it, we just beat u up without a say.. so dont talk anihow as if u knw wat u r talking.. STUPID BITCH! spoiling my mood early in the morning.. then after recess gt performances. i was in the gallery. damn it! in the gallery was so chaotic n horrendous! like animals in the zoo just got released frm freedom.. we made alot of noise.. damn crazy ppl esp wit hazel n dharshini n oso durga... then after skool go home rest then go city hall wit my larlink farhana.. ppl kept staring at us thinking that we r a lesian.. n btw we r not fer ur info.. then after that meet my darling Hannan at city hall n we go suntec city to repair his fon kena virus.. haha.. then we go esplanade to chill out.. he was like not in the mood coz he is damn tired.. he nvr go friday prayers coz he overslept n was late to mit me.. i mit hym arnd 4+pm... both of us were damn crazy.. disturbing each other.. he called me a shorty! argh.. so bad rght??? it was really fun going out wit hym..at the esplanade i saw Amanda Tan wit her guy Yu Hao frm my school oso.. swit couple both of them.. then we gt in the esplanade disturbing each other's concept of songs that we like.. critisizing each other.. then stupid hannan keep singing the phantom of the opera song.. hate that song..then went to the guitar shop.. he want to add the collection of his so called "wife".. then we went home.. nw im blogging n im really damn tired.. so ya.. *yawns* hehe.. till then.. peace out! =)

had fun!

2007-02-13T19:20:00.000+08:00

tdy i reached skul damn early.. but qiu yi gt there first.. ok rather than being alone.. kept quiet til assembly time.. then i started to be crazy.. laughing abt war n msg saphari.. haha.. he is damn chaotic n hysterical.. msg hym all the way.. disturbing rina, aidah n my cute pumpkin rachel.. haha... then then stupid japanese gurl masayu (well she is actually a malay nt a japanese or mix blood!) disturb me.. stupid.. wat the hell! then pinch her back.. haha.. then go classroom no electricity.. walau wey! suay! practising civils day.. stupid.. then gt social studies which is we sat at the corridor bside the basketball fer lesson since they wasnt any electricity.. i sat just underneath mr chua n guess wat? i tink i nid an umbrella if i eva sit right under hym again.. hahahaz... mother tongue class damn chaotic do some revisions fer science common test.. nervous.. haha.. study2.. but nvr study english,.. haha.. english paper is easy.. then came the combined science.. wah.. some i dunno how to do.. messed up the formulas.. damn it.. then its time to go home.. that safari got lost as he dunno where is my skul.. stupid.. wait fer hym quite long.. then he really gib me choc that i as fer.. thankz ya safari fer the chocs! love it! n i am damn jealous wit ya hair.. so sexy n cool.. hha.. love it u knw.. damn it.. i feel like cutting ur hair.. but nvm im not that evil btw.. then i nvr realise Hannan msg me.. after safari sent me home, i kol hannan then watch my chinese show.. eh, i gtg... my mum's koling!!!

2007-02-10T12:54:00.000+08:00

hey dere peeps! sowie fer not updating my blog.. i have been bz preparing fer my common test which takes place nxt week. yeah! n OMG!! haha..
yesterday was great fun at skul.. yeah.. especially last period at the computer lab.. damn chaotic and hysterical.. especially tat dharshini's mouth.. so noisy.. haha.. then after skul meet my honey.. damn i was late like 1 hour plus.. sowie aitez dear.. then i realise that both of us were sick n we have the same sickness which is fever n flu.. haha.. we walk together at bugis.. then Hannan go cyber to apply again ite this time round fer higher nitec while waiting fer his ns to come.. hope he gets in.. n hope he gets in ite simei not ite dover.. yesterdae he was totally sick coz he keep disturbing me.. koling me a shorty, underage la.. damn hym! but nvm.. yesterday was his day. . but the nxt time it will be my day to disturb hym.. wkakakaka.. i really had a totally awesome day wit hym and i reached home feeling sick.. haiz.. sowie dear fer not picking up ur kol as i was damn sick n tired.. im really2 sowie... gtg nw.. my sis wanna use the comp.. till nxt time... =)

2007-02-06T19:21:00.000+08:00

today nothing much had happened. yesterday i was damn crazy! its all my dear's fault! he sae he tok to me in a serious tone but then i could not stop laughing. to me he is not serious.. he is a joker! make me laugh.. until my fwen like u really crazy sia! haha.. then tdy still got the crazyness in me.. finally rina come to skul tdy.. she nvr come fer like 1 month plus.. damn it is so long.. how to catch up? common test nxt week only.. then got social studies test.. memorise then i fergot.. damn it.. nvm.. then i went hysterical.. haha.. i dunno y.. cnt stop laughing n disturbing other ppl.. aiyoh... n my mum keeps nagging n nagging,.. i just on the comp.. i just wants to rileks abit.. n she was like go study now!!! i mean i need a break fer my brain.. my brain is so jammed up.. stress.. then kol my dear Hannan.. nw he have not much time wit me as he is busy werking! he just thinks he is a robot which can be operated fer 24/7.. nw i better study.. common tests are coming up.. damn stressful..

tdy tired

2007-02-04T13:12:00.000+08:00

im sooooo tired today!! yesterdae got family gathering. i am the first to come to help out at my grandmother's hse till evening.. damn tired. im so sowie Hunny Hannan fer not toking to euu that much coz im damn tired that nite. today nvr go my religious class coz i cnnt wake up.. haha.. then called my guy. his voice is so sexy coz he just wake up.. haha.. after i bath n clean my room then i go online check my emails, fwenster and myspace. then called my guy again. his outside wit his nephews. he say later call hym back.. n my mother just reached home nagging away. haiz.. 1 day nvr nagg cnnt huh? so noisy. i just on the comp n i just use. these few daes i nvr use wat. my sis owaes use but she nvr nag.. i mean wtf! its not fair.. but nvm.. thats life aniwae, full of unfairness.. =(

Hannan so Handsome

2007-01-31T21:11:00.000+08:00

Today, first thing in the morning meet mrs Danapal fer my hair check. haiz. every morning must meet her to do hair check. then maths lesson, i tot i was ok, but then i suddenly gt a headache, then i gt gastric, then felt want 2 vomit, go toilet vomit. slept in math class.. my head felt heavy. then after recess, went to the sick bay n rest. in the sick bay, gt sebastian n faris. first i sleep then , Mr Farid scold one student. so noisy! disturb my sleep. then faris was like poor me, want to sleep but noisy. i just laugh. then we intro each other. cool those two sec 2 boys! n cute too! =) then left me n sebastian, we talk alot as if we had known each other fer such a long time.. haha.. then went to A-math class gt test.. i still have nt recover frm my sickness. after skul, went home n change to mit Hannan. he reached at the playground early. i reached there arnd 440. OMG!!! he is so damn hot n handsome tdy. haha.. jealous. N he was shock 2 see me dress tdy.. he sae, u look pwetty tdy coz tdy fer the first time he see me dress up like a girl.. aiyoh! then we sit at the void deck and chit chat.. poor hym, his girl fwen pinch hym at the hand untill it bleed. haha..but nvm.. then until its time he have to go home coz he got werk tdy n he promised his mum that he will reached home early.. nvm.. he was weird again tdy. he sae im his first love, n dun leave hym. he made me angry again, he sae his waiting fer his national service then he sae if he eva change his character to the worse, he ask me to bash hym up n break off wit hym. i cntrolled my tears. y must he sae that? i cnt imagine that to happen. haiz. he just realise wat i said to hym was true as his cousin oso said the same thing that will happen to a guy wen he go fer national service. I wont eva leave hym. He is my everything. giving me the rite advise. he really changed me alot. i really2 pray hard that if he go fer national service, he wont change hymself. I cnt imagine my life without hym.. haiz.. just called hym, but later koling hym bck.. after meeting hym i meet my larling azian! slack at the void deck, went fer dinner n i just bought a Mickey Mouse watch! damn cute! haha.. childish me.. nw i blog n watching soccer. Singapore VS Thailand. Hope Singapore win the match. Just praying hard! haha.. =) P.s. Hannan, i wont leave u n i will continue to love u till my last breadth!

Sick!

2007-01-29T15:40:00.000+08:00

Tdy felt sick very early in the morning like 1+am. Talk on the phone for hours but felt uncomfortable at my tummy. i had the runs. Damn it. its irritating. Have to go to the toilet many times. I slept at 4+am n woke up at 630 in the morning. Cnt wake up n my tummy felt really2 uncomfortable. Then slept for a while untill my mum went out to the mosque. She say later mit her at the clinic after she had done wit her religious studies. wow! My house was really in a mess! i had to clean up b4 my mum started to nag. haha. Then my Hannan msg me saying that i dun wanna call hym issit? then i straightaway call hym bcoz i ferget that i promised hym to call hym early in the morning. I talk to hym for a while as i have to go out to see the doctor. Having headaches too. its really irritating. After going to the doctor, called Hannan while i was eating.. haha.. then called Fadli. After i put den the fon, i gt bored. so i on the comp to check my mail, update my friendster, myspace n blog. then called Hannan again. N i suddenly gt the flu. He say that my voice is sexy. stupid! im sick for goodness sake! haha.. but its ok.. haha.. He was outside to alter his pants for his graduation day at ite dover tis coming thursday. He say he have to wear smart. Damn it! Sure handsome n cute! argh! i say i want to follow he was like No, u cnt unless u gt an invitation.. argh!! I tend to get jealous if he dress up coz he will be not bad-looking, later the girls like hym.. haha.. jealous if that happens. He say dun worry coz i am his girl foreva. Stupid! n he keep disturbing me.. Nw im just addicted to this remix song real love by massari.. damn nice love song. Hannan was like yuckz, u bcome a "minah" oready. i was like NO! i just listen to the song only. i listen to diff concept of songs like metalcore, hardcore, deathmetal.. Nw my tummy is acting up again. so blog again nxt time! hehe. =)

Sux!

2007-01-28T15:08:00.000+08:00

Talk on the phone till 4+ in the morning. First talk with my dear Hannan then Fadli. Damn tired. Im feeling quite down these few days. i just dont knw whats wrong with me. Moods swings everywhere. Then wake up at 6 in the morning to go to religious class. I felt very2 sleepy. *yawns. With all the assignments given, feeling damn stress. The worse part is that i feel that Hannan have change abit. He never msg me. N everytime i msg hym, he never reply me. Haiz. Its like as if he dont want to entertain me anymore. I called him after i reached home but he nvr answer my call. then a few hours later he msg me to call him. then i called. I talk to hym nicely first then i say to him that he is like avoiding me. but he say he nvr had the intention to ignore me. It is just that he is busy doing his own stuff n werk. I mean its up to him. All i knw is that i love hym very much.
Then Fadli say he reali2 love me. N he wanted me to bcome his princess. I am shocked! i mean it is like we come from two different werld n im attached to Hannan. Fadli say he will never let me go. i just dnno wat to do. its nt fair to Fadli. but wat can i do? i love Hannan not Fadli. i just dont knw wat to do. i just let fate decide my life. btw Fyqah is at my house nw.. she is such a cutie pie! *winkz!

Finally A Good Day Today! WOOHOO!!

2007-01-25T20:35:00.000+08:00

early morning was abit disastrous.. A1 have to cme dwn after silent reading 2 brief abt camping tmrw, which im nt going! damn it! Mrs Kumar was talking in like an angry manner who nvr go raised up ur hand nobody even put up bcoz later we get damn bloody scolding plus nagging from her...who wants to hear that.. who the hell wants to go that camp?? so expansive! somemore in school.. then gt malay test, i nvr pass up my compo.. haha.. then gt physics test... so difficult.. aiyoh.. nvm la.. then gt chem, folded heart shape again fer farah n darx.. lance went berserk coz the class was noisy.. hahahaha.. poor hym.. after chem, YEAH! me, rara, darx, terence n jie lun went to Sentosa 2 have some fun!! abt character development again, at least this programme is much more better rather than we have counselling which is boring! we played amazing race, we had alot of fun running here, running there like a mad women. haha.. but my team lost.. but its ok.. we r nt sad but we laugh n smile all the wae bck to the starting point but we gt forfeit.. haha.. its ok.. then take photos.. yeah.. love taking photos..then hannan called.. darx n rara was like omg! her hubby koling.. i just smiled at them.. then took the bus home.. sleep inside the bus, n rara beat me to wake me up.. luckyly nvr have a heart attack.. hehe.. poor rara cnnt eat tdy.. fasting fer the church.. haha.. go bck eat alot hor.. rara, u tdy oso veri2 cute lar.. go home tired then i eat.. after taking a bath, i called hannan.. then he sae he wanna go n bath.. ok lor.. afte bathing we msg2 each other... then nw blog.. after that wanna watch tv! channel 8 9pm show.. the peak! hehehe.. alvin is so cute!! he alwaes play the good guy... so handsome! hehehehe.. k la.. i wanna watch my tv.. =)

bad day again...

2007-01-24T21:28:00.000+08:00

tdy went to skul as usual but the irritating part is this stupid bus driver drive like a tortoise.. damn it... make me late.. nt really late la.. but just nice.. lessons 4 periods of maths damn sleepy in class *yawns* haha..
nt in the mood tdy as this stupid period of mine.. irritating u knw.. then in class msg2 my beloved hannan. take so long to eply me.. aiyoh.. but nvm.. i just msg hym to mit me 430 at the usual place.. then that stupid dharshini, so noisy.. must put tape on her mouth.. maybe even cement.. wkakaka.. lance irritate me in eng lesson.. damn it! i cnt even have peace.. helo lance! me n ghazali are just fwens for goodness sake.. even though last year we everytime go home 2gether... social studies qiute boring then i fold a heart shape for my syg.. haha.. then A-maths lesson in the eureka room damn cold.. my fingers went numb.. cnt even write properly.. after that went to the math test briefing.. so damn stupid! irritating.. luckyly my cousin accompany me to the toilet to change my clothes to meet hannan.. i rushed to meet hym even though im really2 tired n have no mood.. n guess wat? he's late again.. but nvm.. i dun bother abt that.. but he owaes knw wat im thinking.. he knws that im not in the mood even though i smiled at hym.. went to the void deck as he wants to rest.. i find hym abit weird.. touch his hand felt so hot i asked hym whether he is ok or nt n he sae he just miss me.. i was like dun lie to me.. n he just keep quiet.. he owaes tries to make me happy evn though he is veri2 tired.. he have to rush to see me after his jamming sessions.. poor hym.. after werk then go jamming.. aiyoh.. tdy he was really2 weird.. he keep saying that he dun wanna lose me.. hug me so tight.. strange.. when i say i cld nt meet hym nxt week coz i have this stupid math test, he put up a force smile to make me feel better. but then i knw hym too well.. he makes a big sacrifice for me n he really respect me as a gurl.. im really2 touched.. thankz dear for tolerating my behaviour n for the sacrifices that u made.. i promise u that i wnt leave u coz u r one in the million.. nw keep koling hym but he nvr pick up, gues he oready sleep.. nvm.. rest well dear ... i oso wnt to join u in ur lala land adventure! haha.. =) n rara u r veri2 cute tdy...=)

Bad day

2007-01-23T20:15:00.000+08:00

tdy went to school per normal... gt assembly, so short.. then gt the camp briefing, so bored.. i mean who wanna go that stupid camp which is held at school.. then some more must pay.. wat the hell! argh!! then msg wit fadli.. he said sowie to me.. he nvr even do anything wrong to me.. recess time do my malay hmwk.. liyana was like fad! u nvr do hmwk again! haha.. i just smiled back to her coz i was not in the mood.. i was nt in the mood tdy as i have my idiotic period! argh! y must it happened tdy.. damn irritating. have the cramps.. damn painful.. it gt worse after my break at malay class.. i sneak my hp to my my guy Hannan. he was like u gt lessons rite n y u r msging me?? then i juz say the tch nvr see then i msg hym.. haha.. then my cramp gt worse.. i was sent to the sick bay n there was like 3 crazy ppl inside.. they r sick n they keep laughing.. weird ppl.. i called my mum to take me hme but to my surprise, my father took me hme.. haha.. then my father fetch my mum n my cuzzin wit her cute daughter FYQAH!!!!! i was damn happy to see fyqah. she is the joy in my life... i have to bath in order to carry fyqah.. then i entertain fyqah.. quite tired but she really made my day.. she slept for like half n hour then she wake up again n i have to entertain her till she went hme about 6.30pm..
n nw im updating my blog still having the cramp n i am still tired.. im gonna have some rest nw.. tata..

Weird feeling 20/1/2007

2007-01-23T14:42:00.000+08:00

i had weird feeling.. i juz cldn't sleep... Hannan nvr msg me to call hym.. after 10+am.. i called hym.. his voice is diff.. i asked hym wats wrong wit hym.. he said he was sick.. n i made fun of hym,.. haha.. poor hym... jus like disturbing hym.. nw i knw wats the reason.. he was sick. n he insist of going to werk.. damn i was so angry.. sick sommore want to go werk... aiyoh... he said he was ok.. he gif me all sort of stupid reason coz he want to work.. he pity other ppl n nt pity hymself.. i mean wat the hack! he is sick for goodness sake... he is so stubborn.. he thinks he is a machine that cn operate 24/7 without proper rest.. i have to be patient tdy as im fasting.. i juz let hym do wat he wants as thats wats he wants.. but im so worried abt hym n worried that something might happened to hym.. he jus sae, im fine.. im ok coz im Hannan the hero.. im still worried abt hym rite nw.. waiting fer hym to finish his werk n come bck home to rest.. poor hym.. in the afternoon i keep calling hym to find out how was he.. n he ans is still the same.. im ok.. but actually he's nt.. he cn fool anibody but not me certainly, n he knws it.. ok fer nw, my mum nags at me fer using the comp.. haha.. late at nite oready.. have to wake up early tmrw to go religious class.. man, it is quite boring bcoz of the new rulez, rulez n rulez.. damn it.. zeemah, mit me at the void deck tmrw at 7 okies... i'll end here.. nite2.. muackz to whoeva that read this! haha

19/1/2007

2007-01-23T14:39:00.000+08:00

tdy, after skul, meeting Hannan.. yeah.. damn tired.. but then i juz mit hym n i have to go to the library to find my stuff.. he actually was reluctant to accompany me to the library as he juz hates the library.. i wonder y.. go home changed my clothes n took 159 to mit hym at amk mrt station first.. the air-con inside the buz was so nice till my eyes fill so heavy.. i nearly dozed off inside the bus untill it was a grp of guys was so chaotic. wen i opened my eyes, i was shocked to see my guy Hannan n his bandmates. he didn't notice me till i msg hym saying that i was at the back of the bus.. n he looked bck.. haha.. i juz keep quiet n njoy the cooling air-con till it was time to alight the bus.. haiz.. i wish i cld stay longer in the bus.. afther drping off the bus, he dun want to walk.. he sae let his bandmates walk off first.. he wanted to keep our relationship low profile but i guess evrything was blurted out at the bus stop.. i have to drag hym to bishan library.. he was actually bored.. poor hym.. but nvm.. juz fer one dae.. it was chaotic at the library n he cnt stop tickling me.. grrr.. haha.. he cnt wait to get out of the library but on one cndition.. he have to acmpany me to take pic wit me.. im so evil.. he was like oh no! haha.. saw some of my fwen there.. kartik dear.. haha.. mish hym.. he graduated oready.. so sad... miss the fun we had.. yeah.. then wen to the neoprint shop, he was like, hey that shop looks nice.. i was like hey cmon, i had to pull hym...n finally we took photo.. yeah.. he was like wat pose do u wnt me to do.. i sae juz do wateva u want.. then after taking photo, he say, i did nt knw that i was good looking, i was like duh! i was saying that many times wen i went out wit hym but he juz woud'nt believe me..nw he realise it.. n my fwens was like, he's so cute!! so jealous.. haha.. but nvm.. after meeting hym, meet up wit my sis fyza n my larling fana.. crazy ppl mit crazy ppl = hysterical.. hahahad fun wit u my larling.. love u loads fana! wat a tired day tdy... *yawns